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Mrs Trellis of North Wales


Iím Sorry IHavenít a Clue

The Antidote to Panel Games


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Who is Mrs Trellis of North Wales?



Mrs Trellis of North Wales is the weird eccentric lady who writes every week toHumphrey Lyttelton, the Chairman of Radio 4ís comedy panel game ďIím sorry, I havenít a clueĒ.


This is a very popular programme with Theosophists. The show is introduced as "The Antidote to Panel Games" and consists of a panel of four comedians, split into two teams and "given silly things to do" by a chairman. The programme was first aired on April 11th 1972 and the signature tune is a cabaret version of Deutschland Uber Alles called "The Schickel Shamble" written by Ron Goodwin.


You can catch this show and Mrs Trellis of North Wales regularly on BBC Radio 4 and the World Service. Some old episodes are run on BBC 7 (Digital Radio). The show tours the country and you may be able to get in as part of the studio audience.


Iím Sorry I Havenít a Clue Comes to Cardiff

21st December 1998 and begins with the customary

letter from Mrs Trellis of North Wales


Mrs Trellisís Letters


Mrs Trellisís incoherent letters usually involve her mistaking Humphrey Lyttelton for another Radio 4 presenter or media personality, and are read out to much amusement. A modest web page, such as this, cannot even begin to convey just how funny these letters actually are when Humphrey Lyttelton reads them out but here are two examples anyway;


Dear Kenton,

I was appalled on tuning in this morning to hear a torrent of blatant filth, with terms such as 'Big Bang', 'Large Firm Success', 'Satisfying Performance', and worst of all, 'Job Blows'. It was the most disgusting edition of the Today programme's Business Report ever!

Yours faithfully,


Mrs. Trellis




Dear Mr Manilow,

I have so much been enjoying your cookery show. I have to say it's been years since I last came upon a spotted dick. Your bread-making recipes have been particularly helpful during the BBQ season - I have been getting my baps out at every opportunity.

Yours et cetera,
Mrs Trellis.

PS: love to everyone at BBC Devon.


There are more examples at



Does Mrs Trellis of North Wales actually exist?


Opinion amongst Theosophists is divided but the majority have concluded that she must be a real person. After all, who else is writing all these ridiculous letters? She also has her own website and anything on the internet must be true.


If Mrs Trellis of North Wales really exists, then this begs another question, does she realize the enormous laughs prompted by her letters? Is She doing it deliberately? Does she even listen to the programme? Does she have a radio?


Mrs Trellisís first name is Ivy and it has been suggested that she may be a member of an extremist gardening group who worship Percy Thrower (an Ascended Master of Gardening) as a Deity.


An alternative theory is that Mrs Trellis of North Wales is actually a panel of experts on Nuclear Fission, who are communicating their ideas with similar experts worldwide by means of coded messages hidden in Mrs Trellisís letters. This is similar to way in which coded messages about the Stock Market are concealed in the Shipping Forecast or the Eurovision Song Contest gives signals to start revolutions.


A yet more avant-garde theory suggests that Humphrey Lyttelton writes the letters himself. No, that canít be right.





Hereís another essential website for fans of the Mrs Trellis of North Wales phenomenon;


British In America: MRS TRELLIS of North Wales

Here's a nice site, devoted to the mysterious and

barking-mad Mrs Trellis of North Wales who

does nothing but write strange letters

and emails to Humphrey



This webpage links Mrs Trellis of North Wales to a Welsh version of the Mornington Crescent game played on Iím Sorry I Havenít a Clue


Mrs Ivy Trellis

Mornington Crescent Reverse Welsh Rules Only Please





Here below is the entry in the Encyclopaedia Morningtonia for Mrs Trellis of North Wales which reports that she is a legendary player of the Mornington Crescent game. The entry covers her achievements in playing Mornington Crescent and her contribution to the development of the game


Encyclopaedia Morningtonia: Trellis, Mrs.Trellis



Mrs. Trellis is a dear, frail, somewhat doddery old woman from North Wales who writes incessantly to Sir Humphrey Lyttleton on the I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue programme. It would surprise anyone who does not know the history of the game to realise that she has also been perhaps the greatest MC player in history - the only other players of whom this could be said are Cripplehead and Hugo: she never met Hugo in competition, and Cripplehead only once, in an exhibition match - which she lost by a very narrow margin. Given Cripplehead's dislike of tournament play, it is possible to speculate that the result might have been different had they met in a championship match.


Since her victory in the first post-WWII championship, she has won the World Championship a record 17 times (most recently in 1984), on twelve occasions winning a complete Grand Slam of the Singles, Pairs, Team and All-In titles. She has also won countless other international and national championships: all this despite the fact that, every so often, she would take a year or two away from competition play, to take up a role in administration of the game.


Until recently, she has made comebacks to competitive play every time: but her most recent retirement seems to be permanent. She is now highly active in the IMCS, and is believed to have largely co-written the legendary Chalk Farm '84 rules - the only known ruleset (until Holland Park 2000) to have been accepted by both CAMREC and the IMCS. Chalk Farm '84 was published shortly after her last championship win.


She remains a great proponent of Mornington Crescent, and is said by most to be one of the forces behind modern play. She contributes to countless funds, schemes and rule revision committees to further the Mornington Crescent cause.


Also the inventor of countless manoeuvres and gambits, including the Trellis Power Shunt, the Trellis Quadrating Strile and the Trellis Neasden Pincer, she is still a formidable player in her own right, despite a blind spot in recent years regarding the cross-hatching of Theydon Bois.


The fact that she still officially holds the current ranking of #1 in the Grandmaster tables - despite her age and actual retirement from playing in ranking tournaments - is, to a certain extent, indicative of the awe in which most players hold her, at least on the field. Nobody else is likely to be accorded the honorific of the #1 ranking until


(a) they stand out far above the rest, and


(b) Mrs Trellis is long dead, or beaten in a one-on-one match Ö until then, #2 seems to be the limit that any modern Grandmaster can aim for.


Mrs Trellis has also made a profound contribution to the theory of Mornington Crescent, having even collaborated with Grossman on quantum token dynamics amongst other work. Truly, she is a titan of the Game.


Encyclopaedia Morningtonia

Essential reading for fans of Mornington Crescent. The big names and history and development of the game.


North Wales Chapter of the

Mornington Crescent Psychic Insomniacs





Here is the Mornington Crescent Theosophy Website


The Mornington Crescent

Underground Theosophy Website

The Earth Base for Evolutionary Theosophy

Worldwide, London & UK Theosophy Links.

London Directories & London Blog Links. London Bookshops

Info for Fans of BBC Radio 4ís Iím Sorry I Havenít a Clue




If Mrs Trellis of North Wales actually exists,

Then a Mr Trellis (possibly of North Wales)

must also exist or have existed at some time





Mrs Trellis of North Wales

and the Darth Vader Connection




Legends of the Anglesey Jedi

Darth Vader and Jedi Knights fight it out in North Wales


Awesome tales from the Anglesey Jedi Church

with plans to establish a colony on the Moon

and an attack on two Anglesey Jedi Knights

by a man posing as Darth Vader. Plus a reaction

by a not pleased Anglesey resident who doesnít

have a very high opinion of the Jedi Church.


It is almost impossible to believe that Mrs Trellis of North Wales doesnít have something to do with this. Is it just a coincidence that inter-galactic warfare has brought the most evil man in the universe to Anglesey or are more sinister forces at work.



Darth Vader is known to be a big fan of ďIím Sorry I havenít a ClueĒ and the early broadcasts from 1972 have penetrated the remoter parts of our Galaxy. Possibly Mrs Trellis of North Wales has used her letters to somehow alert Darth to the presence of Jedi Knights on Anglesey and offered to put him up while he continues the inter-galactic war.



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Mrs Trellis of North Wales writes to Wolfie

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Camberley, Surrey, England GU15 - 2LF


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Concerns are raised about the fate of the wildlife as

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Tekels Park is a 50 acre woodland park, purchased

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What the men in top hats have to

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Mrs Trellis of North Wales

It is not beyond the realms of possibility that

Mrs Trellis of North Wales is reading this and

might decide to start a her own Theosophy Group





Pages about Wales

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Wales is a Principality within the United Kingdom

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The land area is just over 8,000 square miles.

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The coastline is almost 750 miles long.

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Theosophy Wales 2008 Changes

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Finding Stuff in Wales

North Wales is easier to find than Mrs Trellis


If you are thinking of participating in one of the many expeditions to look for

Mrs Trellis of North Wales, you may find these Wales links very useful.

You should be aware however, that despite many expeditions to North Wales

by experienced members of the Theosophy Movement and a satellite launched

from the Llanfairfechan Space Centre in 1983, Mrs Trellis has never been found


Please note also that Mrs Trellis of North Wales may no longer live in North Wales

but still keeps the title. Members of the House of Lords do this all the time.



National & Regional Wales Web Directories




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The Hub, Off London Road

Denbighshire, North Wales, UK. LL21 Ė 0DD


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West Wales Web

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Web Theosophy Aardvark





Weíve just had a letter from

Mrs Trellis of North Wales


Dear Ozzie


Your websites have made Theosophy amusing, interesting and entertaining. Are you mad? Iíve always seen Theosophy as something for people who find Dutch verbs interesting.


Who can honestly say that they havenít stayed in bed til dinner time with a manual of Dutch verbs in one hand and a cup tea with the other, I know I have.


Kind Regards


Mrs Trellis


So there we are then, Mrs Trellis of North Wales must exist.